IT IS TIME TO PREPARE

Proverbs 19:21

People might make many plans, but what the Lord says is what will happen.

Let me start here with a confession...I never wanted to get married, it didn't cross my mind, I never sat down thinking of a wedding day or a dress or none of the fulff. I had a meeting with my Pastor one day I cannot remember why but what I do remember is he told me during that conversation that I would get married and have more children. The loss had me scarred so the whole fairytale story I never envisioned, plus the fact that many people were getting divorced, then all men are dogs was very dominant in my mind. Weeks before this meeting the Holy Spirit had already started dealing with me, opening my heart to the thought of marriage. My view on marriage had already been tainted by bad relationships and friends and family that I knew lived a life with multiple relationships. But the friends/family that I was now encountering was different I never saw people live functionally lol yeah I know it sounds crazy but think about it. For many like myself that may have encountered people who got married get frustrated for one reason or the other and cheat. Then there are others that live a lifetime of cheating, having a sweet-heart or a few sweet-hearts and it seemed to me to be normal. I knew I did not want that so initially I had some hesitation on the marriage thing. Mentorship initially was very interesting. I didn't want to talk, I didn't know how to talk and I had a wall up protecting me from everything, I could not trust. Do you understand what I mean?

Because I had seen so much mistrust I could not fully trust not even someone who was trying to help. Gradually it became easier and I was able to articulate hurt, pain, frustration, loss, break-up's because each thing connected to the other. Ohhh man believe me this was an exhilerating experience, after so many years of wearing this heaviness I took it off not only by giving it to God but expressing it to someone that can help. To prepare is to make ready, how can I be ready for something I could not understand. What did marriage really mean to me not the Bible definition but what was my true understanding...then my understanding of love. I thought the preparation was with purchase of a dress, finding a MUA, hair and bridesmaids etc but over months I started realizing God's preparation for me was like heart surgery. He had to start removing so many years of scarring to get me back on track. (Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me Psalms 51:10) Man oh man if I tried figuring out what was wrong, what made me feel hurt, why I act like this or that it really would've been way too much; in each area God revealed things to me that I started to change, notice, talk about or remove. Yes, there were people that had to be removed, the way I lived changed as well as my thoughts began to change. The advise I was given by people that did not understand what God was doing set a trap of confusion and frustration many times.

Preparing became a life of training: discipline (reading, exercising, time management), communication if I start I would stay forever on this topic. I had horrible intercommunication skills in relationships but mentorship helped me develop in that area, being able to love (show, express, give and receive) has been like climbing a uphill for me with bags on my back. And learning to accept and understand each others differences and how to deal with them has been interesting. God had to do an entire life skills course for me lolol I do believe this course never ends but I started at ground zero with no tools and now being equipped with tools and now wanting to help others is benficial for me.

How did you prepare for marriage? Did you go in marriage with or without your life skills tools? What would have changed prior to getting married?

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